Eating On My Days Off Work

My days off work usually go either way- today I've had the day off- I normally have Sundays and one random weekday off every week because I do shift work- today was a day off that I'd say was bad- I'd had one of them I'm happy and excited auras about me but inside I've been total panic all day and have barely left my room- my mum sent me a text telling me I need to eat in her interesting way of typing and my dad phoned me and told me I need to get dinner and gave me £10 because they know I get paid at midnight tonight and I may be a terrible adult that has ran out of money again.
 I ended up buying a Chilli Con Carne ready meal, a 'jumbo' sausage roll, a bar of Oreo Chocolate and a pack of Chocolate Fingers and let's say I handled buying my dinner, once again, really badly and basically binged and purged but for once I haven't taken laxatives which I guess is a plus but I'm still shaky a weak because of it.
 The problem with today is now I never want to eat again (I say this a lot and always mean it at the time but I usually do end up eating again in a few days) I feel bloated and fat and disgusting even though everyone around me says I'm not, well I guess that's body dysmorphia for you, being clinically underweight and so much so you're classed as anorexic yet still seeing yourself and thinking you're bloated. It's not that I know I'm fat, I know logically I'm not but I'm fat compared to the size I want to be, I want to be a stick because maybe if I am happy with my body I can become happy in general and people will like me?
 My best friend says I'll never be 'skinny enough' for that, I'll be dead before that can happen but my crazy head thinks I can do it and so we're going to try, I'm doing all these fad fasting diets recently hoping that one of them will work because my weight is starting to plateau and I feel I still need to lose some more and I just really hope it doesn't affect my job (anymore than it already does) because that seems to be the only thing I can do and yet I still can barely get out of bed for it anymore. The problem with fasting is my blood sugar drops and this results in binging and purging but I've promised myself I will fast tomorrow and I will only have one sugary drink- eg. Hot Chocolate- to keep my blood sugar up during my 8 1/2 hour shift, especially since I get weighed on Friday and can't have them thinking I'm fat.
 My Anorexia literally controls every day of my life and it's even worse when I'm not working cause there's more time to think about it and more time to idealise my own death and I wouldn't wish this on anyone, ever.